I feel gloomy. I feel like screaming.

It's a bloody war outside.
Judging from how my sister is screaming her head off and my dad yakking as usual.



Then, I realized that reading my past posts is one GREAT way of cheering mself up.


For some godamn reason, I realized MY MAGIC OF MAKING MYSELF SMILE.



Than I realized that all the nuttiness, crazy things, I say/act, is just to put a little more joy, to erase some pains, and forget some stuff.

And I just told a lie last night. I'm sorry. Really sorry. I didn't mean to lie. But if I didn't tell you, I could tell nobody else. But I'm afraid what will happen if you found out that the retarded girl in the story I told you was me. So I weaved a fictional character, so that I can actually pretend I don't know her, but it was actually me. I feel terrible though.


Just read this book written by this jap author, name of book, this book kept me thinking till now.... Its more of a journal style about 3 prostitutes in Japan.

They try to seek themselves so hard, that they lose themselves.
They wanted to be in control so much, that they end up losing control of their own lives.


As what they seek in prostitution, they wanted control. Control over men. As men always control their world, they want to seek revenge and control them, between their legs.


But I just feel....that. They didn't suceed controlling men between their legs. Men made USE of them instead. Of their bodies.


If you ask me how to control a man...

Hmm... Interesting question.
You may want to wring him in your little finger. Make him beg. Make him at your beck and call. Make him hanging for more...





HEE. now i sound evil.



Than, the only solution I've thought of is DEFINITELY not through his STOMACH like what old people say.....



Play with his heart lor. CACKLES.


Toy it first. Tease it first. Than throw it away. LOR.

But if you want to do that..... You must make sure you shield your heart.



Which so many girls are inadept in doing.
Which I'm training so hard to be.


Enough said. I'm in one of the mood swings AGAIN.



Anyway, WENT TANNING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Met this korean guy when I was tanning. He was UBER nice!! I was chatting with him, and he realized that I was PEELING.


So he immediately went up to his house to get a bottle of aloe vera mosturizer and gave it to me.



I decide to crown him as my tanning kaki!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA




And if you are reading the above section in excitement, as you may jab me excitedly about the prospect of having a prospective guy,










He's MARRIED.




CACKLES. I know his wife though! They live one floor above me. His korean wife is UBER PRETTY!!!


So Jasmine ho, stop salivating at the word, "korean guy"