It's been long sinced i've raised my fingers and add on things into my blog...
Not in a very entertaining mood today...

i wish that i could say something to entertain myself too.

why i'm so bitter now?

i don't think its because i'm tired. i won't admit that i am tired. No i'm not.
though i've slept little since monday, i'm not tired.
though i've been rushing the sjab documents since that day, i'm not tired.
though i've been shouldering 2 persons' job, i'm not tired.
though i have the burden of my entire corp, i'm not tired.

but why i still walk will my head down and shoulders sunken? though i've already rested?
why i still feel like a sleepwalker in her dreams wondering around?

i think i'm exhausted.

not because of all my work load, or the tasks ahead of me. maybe...maybe...it's because i'm doing these all for that someone. where i'm supposed to do it for my cadets. also because i keep giving excuses for that someone, defending that person when people question me.

my purpose was wrong. my perceptions were wrong. my hopes were were wrong.

i'm sorry. not to the person now. but to the people who worked with me, who gave it their all. i did give my all, just that my purpose was wrong.

i think adrian was right. hahas. he gave me a wake up call. hahas. mdm yixiu was right. she said, "I don't think people who are in love can run the corp." i agree. i will work hard to be suitable to run the corp. she's right. she hit the nail. people in love...their priority changes, their mindset changes and the reason they do things changes. to run the corp, a clear mind set is important... things that are affecting you can't affect you. because...the corp, with more than 30 people, rely on your decision.

that's passion. doing things for your cadets, for your corp.

i have it. i still have it. but its just some..other things that cause my attention to waver.

i have to keep my corp running. until mdm yixiu come back. we have to, jas and cheryl. another 3 more years. just another 3 more years. until we have her help, her guidance. we will continue to be one of the school units in zone 8. we WILL. you 2 got to back me up. both of you got to do that. let us have no politics, no resentment of whoever. i guess after hearing mdm yixiu's talk, you both may be afraid that anyone of us will dessert each other and move on. we've pledged to each other remember? that we'll stay because the corp needs us. so...let's not feel resentful because of someone. there's still much things to do for 30 over people.


is it really really important to have a bigger picture guys? 3 brains CAN think of the bigger picture. why must we ALWAYS rely on ONE brain to think of the so called bigger picture??
sighs.

hahas. i'm contradicting myself. just told myself not to feel resentful.

hopefully...i can start new in jc. start new. hahas. i'm excited for jc!!! hahas. new faces... i met this girl call si jia!!! we bumped into each other, and gasp when we catch each other's face. she's just...so so so familiar... and then, she siad

"I think you're from my KINDERGARDEN!!!!! you're the girl who EVERYTIME take away my stickers!!!!"

GAWD. thanks to my complexion, i BLUSHED. as usual. GAWD. were i SO nasty when i'm young???

hahas... so when i'm leaving the school, i turned and told her i'll return her the stickers. hahas. i've got more than 7 booklets of them...last time. hee. just that i don't think she's interested in stickers now...

hahas. strange. i've still managed to entertain myself. not to mention, you who are reading this. guess its not wrong for me to be called kai xin. HEE.
yawns.
time for bed.
shhh... i've told you more than A secret tonight.
night!!!